Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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