He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
