just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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