So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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