thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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