Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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