now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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