you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
