Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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