I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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