I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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