Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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