Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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