Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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