All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
