everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
