so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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