We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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