dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
