My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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