2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
