Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
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Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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