Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
