That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize