I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
