I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We named our party play list daddy issues
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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