this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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