WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
