i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
