I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
