just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
