Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
