im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
