I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
