My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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