imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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