Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
