Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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