were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
