O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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