I cannot find my penis.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
