from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
