bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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