So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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