I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
