Need sex. Gaining weight.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
