On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
