shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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