aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
