What a fucking waste of an outfit
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
