How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
