She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
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Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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