just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
