and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
