Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
FUCK WHALES
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
