dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
