i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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