dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
