I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
