i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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