dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
