Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
