Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize