you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I touched a dick in church today
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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