I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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