Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I looked at my own cervix.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
