i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
