fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
