That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
