They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dignity is for republicans.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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