shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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