Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
