she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
