I love black thongs
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
