woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
